School Age (5-18)

As school-age children and youth become more independent they begin to question authority. This can be frustrating and cause conflict within families. It is important to remember this is a very normal part of your child’s development. In fact, it’s essential in their exploration of boundary setting.

Independence is important!

Encouraging independence in your child through their school-aged years will boost their self-confidence, grow problem solving skills, and increase self-awareness and build empathy towards others. For younger kids, teaching independence starts with small tasks and jobs around the house. Picking out their own clothes, getting themselves dressed, and cleaning up after themselves are just a few. As children get older, their tasks and responsibilities should grow too. Older children should be encouraged to explore sports and clubs they are interested in.

Fostering independence can be hard for both child and parent. The easiest way to guide your child through this developmental process, is making sure their tasks are developmentally appropriate. Walking along side your child in their quest for independence will give you both a sense of pride in the confidence they are building.

(Help Me Grow Alaska can help your child get connected to social groups and actives around the state, Resources for ways to foster independence)

Communication

Children ages 5 to 18 can feel unheard and frustrated by their lack of verbal skills to express their thoughts and feelings clearly. Verbal communication and listening skills link together to grow a child’s ability to communicate effectively. A few ways to help your child construct strong communication skills could be asking your child questions that go beyond “yes” or “no”. Seek specific details about their day.

Some examples are:

Who did they play with at recess?
Who did they eat lunch with?
Did anything funny happen during school?

Encourage your child to participate in conversations and discussions by retelling and summarizing stories. Make sure to leave them space and time to recount their experiences.

Boundaries

The ability to establish and honor boundaries is a key aspect of your child’s developmental journey during the school-aged years. Boundary setting not only helps your child develop empathy it teaches them how to advocate for themselves. When supporting your child in learning how to set boundaries, avoid overthinking it. Begin by demonstrating the boundaries you have establish. Engage in conversations with them about their feelings and as well at the feelings and emotions others may experience. Highlight for your child that they have authority over their own bodies and possess the right to say no in uncomfortable situations. Setting clear and reasonable expectations and have an open conversation about what will happen if boundaries are crossed. Make clear rules and stick to them.

Respect

Lastly, discuss with your child about respecting others and what to do when others are not kind or are disrespectful to them. If your child is equipped with the necessary skills to handle challenging situations in advance, they will find it easier to navigate the appropriate steps and effectively advocate for themselves when such situations arise.